Book #2 - How to Be a People Magnet

Way back in 1976 during my kindergarten year, I remember a police officer coming to school one day to give us the “Stranger Danger” talk. During the officer’s presentation, I volunteered to act out a potential scenario with him. Our skit went something like this:

Police Officer: “Hey little girl, come on over here and have some candy.”

Five-year old Kimmie yells “Noooooo!” and runs screaming out the classroom door.

It’s the mantra every child-molester-fearing parent tells their child:

NEVER TALK TO STRANGERS!

After reading How to Be a People Magnet by Leil Lowndes this week, I followed the exact opposite advice. In this book, Lowndes describes many behaviors that will help people form a support system of lasting friendships. “Clause 18” states:

ALWAYS TALK TO STRANGERS

Lowndes challenges readers to talk to at least ten strangers a day. Could I do it? I’m not one to strike up a casual conversation with the grocery store cashier, librarian, or random stranger sitting at an adjacent table in a restaurant. To me, that’s a quirky behavior otherwise known as bothering people.

On Tuesday as I sat in our orthodontist’s office waiting for my daughter to get her new retainer, I looked around at the prospective strangers: four moms sitting quietly, reading magazines and texting on their iPhones. For thirty minutes, I couldn’t think of a good ice-breaking question. I chickened out. I’m just not a stranger-botherer. Not quite ready for the challenge, I slightly altered Lowndes advice to something more do-able:

ALWAYS TALK TO ACQUAINTANCES

My days are full of coincidental meetings where I pass by someone I know, smile a quick hello and move on. This time, I vowed to talk to these acquaintances and be friendly.

My first opportunity played out at my daughter’s elementary school. Around three o’clock each afternoon, groups of parents surround the school yard waiting to collect their children. Most days I stand alone quietly and focus my attention on preventing Jack (4) and Rock (3) from falling to their death from the playground’s monkey bars. Talking to other parents requires a social effort I lazily avoid. On Thursday, I purposely approached three Moms I know and made polite conversation. Later that night at a school fundraiser, I chatted with four more acquaintances which included two neighbors and my daughter’s teacher from the previous year. Feeling more confident, I summoned the courage to talk to a complete stranger at the event and awkwardly discovered she spoke very limited English. I listened and nodded uncomfortably as the kind lady explained in a thick, stuttering, Asian accent where her daughters take Taekwondo. While I didn’t succeed in talking to ten acquaintances, I ended the day with a very respectable eight.

Continuing this challenge for the next few days, I discovered that being more friendly and engaging in polite conversation got easier. I even noticed a benefit. Rather than marinating in random pessimistic thoughts or dwelling on the exhaustion of raising small children, my mind was distracted by social conversation. Focusing my attention on other people made me happier simply because in the moment, I forgot about myself.

I’ve had several “Stranger Danger” talks with my daughter Kate (6) and will continue to read never-talk-to-stranger books to my boys. While I have a better sense of dangerous criminals versus harmless strangers than my children do, I’m not sure if I’ll ever be comfortable approaching 10 new people in one day. It’s just not my personality type. However, I will definitely make it a goal to put aside my social reserve, take a moment each day, and make genuine conversation with my acquaintances.


Take the challenge:  Can you talk to 10 strangers in one day?